Virender Kapoor

What the F**K are these Cuss words in our Brown Aksent

                                                       

We  laugh  when in the ‘police academy’ someone says “Bust your arse”..( even if there is nothing to laugh at), and we love to use this to prove our Phirangi outlook.But look around awkwardly when we listen to Rani Mukherjee’s “arse” in Hindi starting with a big, “G***” in  “No one killed Jessica Lal”. Teri G*** Phat ke Haath main aa jaigi.And say “Oh, Bahuot Abusive hai yaar! Absolutely sadaak chhapp!” so embarrassing -oh  so desi.

Sandhu becomes Sandy, Mandip a Mandy, Kulwinder a Candy!  Gay is not so gay in Punjab after all. Translation in Punjabi will be Oh so Slummish!

Delhi Belly the new hot movie sets your arse on fire!! Try and translate this in Punjabi and you will go red faced. It crosses all limits and takes the cake in using the choicest of Hindi Gaalis with a good mix and match of Fuck and Sucks.

Osho, Bhagwan Rajnish once delivered a pravachan on f@*ck .He proves that the word is certainly not Onomatopoei! Which are words that sound like the thing they represent .And both the males and females have use it far beyond the activity for which it was originally conceived.It is used as a noun,adjective, a verb  and even as an interjection!It defines and describes human emotions so perfectly.

Oh F^*%s expresses disappointment .What the f*&*k ..excitement and surprise.He is a fu***ng nut..stupidity. Who the f**k do you think you are..questions authority.Get the f**k out of here..giving marching orders..You see the power of the word.

Mahesh Bhatt says “Market forces change the form of every art..” Anurag Kashyap another film maker says “Its time to grow up..”. If this is what public wants then this is what public gets. Truely it is the market of today. And yes the urban guys and even gals are no more ashamed to use the four letter words in public in Hindi, Bhojpuri or Punjabi- who cares. As Anurag Kashyap says that is the language we speak.

What we also need to rethink is the way we speak English. Considering how foreigners speak Hindi literally f****ng it , why are we bothered to speak English English.

It is amusing  to see Shane Warne, struggling to say, “SAAR OOTAA KAYEE JIYOOU AUOR SAAR OOTAA  KEYE      KAEIALO.” In a HDFC standard life Insurance Advertisement.

“Aare yaar, yeh itna bhi nahi bol sakta?” is the first thing that comes to your mind, “Aur ham isko fir bhi itna paisa de rahen hai.” Almost all the reporters on western news channels pronounce muslims as”Mauzlims” and “Al Qaeda” as “Ayile Kaiydda”. The Britishers  stayed on our soil for almost a century and not only failed to learn our language but could never even learn to pronounce names of some of our cities like Jaipur or Lucknow.  What if one of them is asked to sing our national anthem! They never cared to learn and were never ever ashamed of this shortfall.

On the flip side, “We the people” speak and write better Queen’s English probably better than the Queen of England herself. We are also obsessed with being always, “Englishly correct” and are very conscious of this whenever we open our mouths. Not funny, but we insist speaking to even a waiter in a desi restaurant in English forcing the guy to struggle and speak the ‘Phoren’ Language.

If we see somebody speaking “non convent” or “non convent-ion-al” English we dump him for life. We are amused  when a Maharashtrian calls the writing instrument as “pain” and an Allahabadi as “pan” and a sardar as “Pennn”. Also “Baide room”, “Bad room” and “Beddd room” rhyme similarly for ‘Bed room’- oh so desi.Never to miss two baidroom ‘hole’ kitchen of our Gujju Bhais. If  a Phirangi cricketer still calls Sachin Tendulkar as “Sashin Tendauoolkar, (here T is as in Train and not as in Tehran),then why should I bother about “ishtaar and ishtyle” or  that “Inglis is a phunni languaze”. Does our progress depend on how we speak a foreign language.?

We  are in awe of   everyone- except ourselves. We get embarrassed in a restaurant and order  pasta because we don’t know how to pronounce Lasagne as La-zan-ya. In China we acquire a Chinese way of speaking English, we get influenced by Arabs out of all the people  as well to show we are Dubai returned- Oh so desi.

My  friend went to UK for for just nine months but he and his wife returned as- total phirangi. Huge ‘Aksent yaar ‘ and what they acquired 30 years back still remains intact! Guys go to US for three months and return as half Texans. Fellow acquired an American accent immediately after his visa was stamped at the US Embassy - I am going to “YOU ASS”- he said.

And when someone starts speaking Hindi in English, it surely gives goose bumps. “Hey , tthum kya khaarta hai? Don’t you see Meim Saahib bath laye raaha hai.”

 Let us learn to be punctual, be patriotic and doesn’t matter whether we speak inglis in bihari or angreji in Punjabi.

Middle class dogs (pets of middle class) are named Fluffy, Peter or Bugsy while Moti and Sheru are relegated to the Dhobi Ghats or Press Wallas on the Nukkad.Most of us feel “ Mount Bald ” sound better than Pahhar Ganj..!

I wish we had ruled the world - sochne main kya harz hai! the most popular daily news papers for the rich and mighty Britishers living in central London would have been London Bhaskar , York Shire Jagaran or Manchester Ujala- if we had ruled the world..

Come on grow up. It can happen if you want it to happen.